Dragon Rock & Sheena
On Feb 7, eve of the dark moon, I went to the Angeles Crest and points there to meditate. It was the first time I have been there without you.
I texted you recently that I can feel your spirit. I wonder what you think about that, and I wonder what it means.
So after looking at the whole of LA to the islands... I went back down to the spot I think of as Dragon Rock (because I talk to Hyspos there), where you and I meditated a couple times. I did meditate; and the whole way up, I had felt you, but I really felt your presence there, like actually real. I came back to find that picture with your tongue out that we did, but for the life of me I cannot find it. It may be on my archives disk. Anyway, I did find one of the pics from Red Rock, and composited it onto the picture I took yesterday, where I felt you were sitting. Just for fun.
So why do I feel you these days?
Have I finally gone over the deep end? Am I just imagining?
Are you really thinking of me? Are you sending me any kind of energy?
Not hearing from you, I wonder what to think. I wonder if you are laughing at me. Or if you think of me with love but won't talk yet because of some important thing going on. Or if you don't ever think of me at all. Or if I did something to make you you really just hate me for some reason and so you won't tell me you don't love me because you know I will drag this on in some kind of longing until you do. If you are just indifferent to me now. Because the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. That idea really hurts.
That would make you a bad person. I know you are a good person, not a bad person. So when that idea comes, I know its only because I am searching for logic which is not necessary. Only love is necessary. Because when you turned away from me that night, my heart shattered. But as I picked it up, the pieces were all shaped like you. So I decided only to send you good energy, love, invitation, and wait for you to allow me back into your life, to come back and share with me. Unless and until you can say "no, forever."
I trust that you will contact me sometime and my sense of destiny says it will be in some way to start over, slow or not, as you see fit. If I am wrong, I trust you to tell me.
I still await.
See various random thoughts and events I have recorded just for you at shadowmihai.com/casheena